A SLIGHT DELAY!!

Hello Dear Readers;

Well... November 1st came and went and Myrna is red-faced! I missed the launch of my MOST anticipated
"365 Cocktails for 365 Days".  I don't want to bore you with ALL the gory details, let's just say that Mother and Raul arrived and after that.....CHAOS ensused!  Being the perfectionist  that she is, Mother Dearest insisted that ALL the cocktails for our November blog;  pass her immutable "taste test"! Needless to say, that's when it all went awry! Does the word DETOX mean anything to you? I must add that Hermione didn't help matters much, with her constant "Brrrzzz...Brrrzzzz....Brrrzzzz" of her well worn and trust worthy Waring Blender. I knew I should have NEVER left mother to her own devices and as soon as Raul has her soothed (he has the MOST languid hands you've ever seen) and she is able once more to stand, we will then trudge ever forward. So thanks for you most understanding and forgiving souls! I know how many of you have emailed me and told me you can't wait to start the ADVENTURE!!! As the Holidays approach, rest assured you will be the 'hostess' with the 'mostess' as your revelers marvel at your cocktail culinary skills!
Until, then;
Love,
Myrna

A SAMPLING !!

Hello....dear ones! Well.... I just couldn't wait!  Here is a WONDERFUL little sampling of ALL the deliciously delectable little recipes that will be coming your way...NOVEMBER 1ST!! As you can see Mother dearest has tested the above and given her "BUNNY SEAL OF APPROVAL"!! Bon-Drink-atite!!!

IT's ALMOST TIME!!!

All right dear ones....the time is getting closer to the launch of my "365 Cocktails for 365 Days"; beginning NOVEMBER 1st!! AND....just as exciting...Myrna noticed that she now has a follower!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You will love the recipes almost as much as you will love MAKING them!!! COMING SOON.....'365'!  xxoo Myrna

LET'S GET READY TO CELEBRATE!!!!

What better way to get ready for the Holidays and the Year Ahead than to create a NEW cocktail for each and every one of our 365 days!! Yes....dear ones, Myrna has decided to share her most cherished and delectable cocktail recipes! Each one a vertible DELIGHT! And rest assured, these lucious and sumptious cocktails have each and every one been given the BUNNY DeFORDE seal of approval for deliciousness!!
That's right...MOTHER Dearest.... has had a hand (or two; at times) in taste testing these fabulous refreshments!
So whether you're just in the mood for a 'night at home' of relaxation....or will need a tantilizing concoction for that "special" soiree you might be throwing... you'll find what you need right here... EACH and EVERY day for 365 GLORIOUS days!! So to one and all I say; "Bon Drink-a-tite"!!

Myrna

Myrna's Sayings: #4

"The young fighter had a hungry look...the kind you get from not
eating for a while."

Myrna's Saying #4

"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."

Myrna's Sayings #3

"His thoughts tumbled in his head ... making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."

Myrna's Sayings: # 2

"She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli.... and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef."

Myrna's Sayings: # 1

"Her face was a perfect oval...like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master."

Myrna & Gunther Does Austria!!

Hello one and all! Myrna here! Let me begin by saying, it is so good to be home safe and sound and back at my trusty Olivetti once more! I understand mother did a very nice job ‘filling’ in for me, while Gunther and I were away on our six-week tour of Austria and all points in between! Of course I have spent this week removing the remains of mother’s overzealous late night ‘typings’ from my trusty old “Oli”. It’s amazing how many little cocktail “umbrellas” and cherry stems there were in the typebars!! Not to mention a rather curious amount of Rum all over the keyboard! I guess mother stood by her moto; “Never type unless you have a cocktail close by!!”
I wish you all could have been with Gunther and me. My what a time we had “Yodel-la-hee Hoo-ing” across the Alps!! It’s amazing how little a sound can cause so much snow to race down a hill in an Avalanche! The tour guide assured me that although I had the lungs of Ethel Merman, he was certain it wasn’t my fault! The road was only closed for two days.
Anyways, as promised, I do have some wonderful Kodachromes that I’d like to share with all of you. It’ll be just like you were there with us on this glorious respite! So just settle back and let me get the Kodak Carousel ready; as I just turn down these lights. Here we go!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. As you can see here in this first slide, that’s Gunther waving as he boards the train as we depart Salzburg. Well…that is… you could see him waving if there was more than just his legs showing. Gunther insisted on getting a this new Bell & Howell for our trip, and I must admit, I never did find the view finder on the thing! However, isn’t his Lederhosen just terrific!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. Now in this slide, there’s me next to a VERY large keg of Bavarian beer in Klagenfurt am Worthersee! Yes, that is Gunther’s thumb covering my face, but at least you can get a glimpse of my ‘Authenic’ Maria Von Trapp dress! Some guy calling himself… “Captain”; kept coming up to me and asking me if my hills were alive?
Click….zzzzzzzechk. Oh; this slide is some woman , with two rather LARGE….. Beer steins, pummeling the man called “Captain”; senseless.
Click….zzzzzzzechk. Here’s a picture of Vienna! When Gunther asked where they made the little sausages, everyone just looked at him stupefied. ( I told him Vienna Sausages were not what Vienna was famous for…silly man…. it was for those little vanilla cookies!)
Click….zzzzzzzechk. Here’s Mozart’s home. Personally I think it could do with a coat of paint! Not much better on the inside either, I might mention. However, his piano was quite nice!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. This is Innsbruck, in the Tyrol province. The Winter Olympics were held here last in 1976, the year that Dorothy Hamill won her Olympic Gold medal. Yes….that’s Gunther with both legs in a cast. I told him he shouldn’t try the luge!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. And here’s……wait a minute…..this slide isn’t Austria. Oh, for crimy’s sake….it’s MOTHER! I am not believing this!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. WHAT! Oh my god! This is mother and Dominique on a nude beach in Cabo! Don’t look!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. Holy……!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. Ugh…..!
Click….zzzzzzzechk. But……!
I think I’m just going to unplug this projector and get these lights back on. There!
Honestly, I don’t know how Mother managed to get those slides into my vacation presentation. Who knows…. that woman has managed to get her drunken mug spread more than Hugh Hefners’ playmates! She is NOT to be trusted. I don’t know why she insists on embarrassing me like this. I mean…after all; I’m the one who has always been there to clean up her ugly “little” messes! Well, not to worry faithful readers, I will be sure to check ALL my slides before we try this again! Thank god Mother’s Day only comes once a year!

Bunny DeForde Speaks!

(A Note from Myrna: Hello dear readers, Gunther and I are off to a two month respite in the Austrian Alps. I’ve asked my mother; Bunny DeForde if she would so kindly fill in for me. Until next time….and I promise to bring pics!! Myrna)

Hello all! It’s Bunny DeForde here, manning the Olivetti to bring you this humble offering. To quote one of my favorite authors Grace Metalious (she wrote Peyton Place for those of you who might not know) said: “I’m a lousy writer; (and) a helluva a lot of people have got lousy taste!” Don’t you just love her!!
I was thrilled actually that Myrna asked me, her dear, dear mother, if I would write her column for this edition. She has never told you, but I was on the brink of becoming a regular columnist with the New York Times in my early career. Those were the days! I remember the smell of the ink! The roar of the presses! The exciting pursuit of a good story! The late evening dinners in the reporting room! That sleek, shiny surface of the Burl Wood desk top in Mr. Leeds office. Ah….what good times!!! But I digress.
I have always been so proud of Myrna. You know, I remember when she was six and could make mother the most deliciously dry Martini’s. She had quite the knack! Something she learned from her uncle, my brother; Sklar. My, what a beautiful cut of a man Sklar was and just a whiz with any concoction. It was just amazing at how quickly Myrna picked that up!! By the time she was eight, Myrna made the most delightful hostess at my gala parties! There she was, three feet if she were an inch, and just barely tall enough to reach the Hi-ball glasses! I can see her now standing on that little wooden stool behind the counter shaking that silver shaker!! Poetry in motion, she was!!
Oh, I must tell you about my fabulous cruise from which I just returned! I have decided that no one should never, ever have to live in a nursing home! The elderly should spend the money they would spend on that and live on a cruise ship!! Your every desire and need is met. Besides, you meet the most exciting and exotic people! The personal service you get will absolutely spoil you! I tried my best to get Myrna and her husband, Gunther to take a cruise, but she was so insistent upon going to Austria and retracing the route over the mountains that the Von Trapp family had taken! I tried to tell her that was only in the movie and that in real life they actually left Austria by train. But, Myrna is so strong minded. I have no idea where she got that! Anyways, my cruise was like six months of what heaven must be like. That is of course if heaven is a giant cruise ship with all those gorgeous men!
Dominique (this lovely young Spaniard I met) and I were inseparable. Every day it was languid basking in the sun on the lido deck and full body massages in the spa! Then Dominique would escort me to the “A” deck to the Baroness Lounge, where we would dance the Carioca (you know it’s not a Foxtrot or a Polka) until the wee hours of the morning! What a magnificent dancer he is! He has such strong arms and physique. And he has the most beautiful blue black hair and grey eyes you have ever seen. I was just amazed at just how many people Dominique knew on the cruise. They were mostly women. I know they were all very jealous of me for the time that he devoted to my every whim! I could tell by their stares, as we would make our entrance to the restaurant, lounge or theatre! In fact, we were so inseparable that he decided he would come home with me to Palm Springs and spend a few months here. It has been so delightful having him around. He makes me feel like a young school girl again! He just loves driving the Jaguar and shopping on Palm Canyon Drive! I can’t wait for Myrna to get back so I can introduce them! In the meantime I’m sure we will find something to do with our time!!
If you’re ever in Palm Springs, I do so hope you will look me up. Most usually you’ll find me relaxing at the Parker House Hotel and Mr. Parker’s restaurant. I will be the one with the large brim yellow hat sipping cocktails by the pool and a handsome man named Dominique on her arm!

MYRNA’S BIG SUMMER ADVENTURE

Hello one and all, it’s Myrna Lovejoy, back again with her ‘tidbits’ of what’s going on in and about our little Hamlet. And to say, my oh my, what going’s on there have been!!
I’m sure all of you turned out in your best Patriotic outfit of “Red, White and Blue” to help celebrate our Nation’s birthday this Fourth of July! It was truly a sight to behold. The streets queued up with a dazzling flurry of American Flags (that were made IN the U.S.A. by the way…I looked).
Hermione and I decided to make a splash and help celebrate the Fourth in style by joining the throng of thousands at the beautiful new water park!! What a splash it was, too! How marvelous is this wonderful symbol of what is great about our little megalopolis and this fantastic facility! Good job I say, Huzzah!
Hermione and I knew that one day, our hours and hours of dedicated practice on the Brown University synchronized swim ballet team, would pay off! Those countless times when our girlfriends would be off to some fabulous soireé ,with the boys from the Greek house, we would find ourselves breast-stroking our way in the pool. We always however thought it curious, that Dean Mary A. Dyke, would always want and stay to watch us! Hmm? Anyway, there we were in our brand new, shocking Lime green Lycra, one piece official Esther Williams swimsuit, with matching Lime green flowered swim cap, swimming away! I must admit that Hermione and I took to the water like a couple of mermaid sirens! Our upside, down, pirouettes were simply a sight to behold!! Turn, kick, kick, kick, turn! Flawlessly, we would shoot through water!
When I told Gunther that Hermione and I were working up our old routine for the Fourth extravaganza, he was very surprised! He mumbled something about oxygen and paramedics being on hand, but I ignored him. Up to the attic I went in search of my old friend, my Lime green, one piece Lycra, official Esther Williams swimsuit and matching cap. There it was, just I had retired it those many eons ago, just waiting for me to return. Funny, I didn’t remember it being that tiny? Oh well, that’s the marvelous thing about Lycra it will stretch and stretch and stretch.
After weeks and weeks and weeks of practice, in Hermione’s pool, the old “team” was back! Glorious it was! The best part however, was, our ritual of daily Margaritas as a cool down. It’s amazing how smoothly three pitchers of Margarita’s go down, after a strenuous work out! We were ready! We anxiously awaited the day of the water park opening. My only regret was that my mother, you remember her, Bunny DeForde, wouldn’t be there to see us. No, she isn’t dead, she was off to Cabo until October with her Latino “counselor”; Jorge. My therapist says this has always been and will continue to be a constant in my life, and I need to learn to let go.
The day arrived! Gunther dutifully agreed to chauffeur us. We dutifully packed the Edsel station wagon with all the provisions for not only our Grand Performance, but also a deliciously sumptuous “tailgate” buffet that we would indulge in, following our swim! My, what a buzz there was about town, big name entertainment, food, beverage, fireworks! And of course, there Hermione and I were decked out in our matching Esther Williams Lycra swimming regalia with matching caps! We looked stunning! Imagine our surprise however, when we made our way to the pool and discovered that it was a bunch of water slides. Huge waterslides! Small waterslides! Would that dissuade us? No! Hermione and I were determined. We had worked too hard and looked much too fabulous to let this minor set back prevent us from enjoying ourselves. All I remember as we climbed to the top of the ladder is the whiny wailing of the kid behind us, when Hermione and I took his water-tube from him, and like school girls run amok; splashed our way down the exhilarating slide! Green Lycra never looked so good! Esther Williams, eat your heart out!

Myrna's Musings

Myrna and The Funeral

Hello dear readers, it is with a teary eye and heavy heart that Myrna sits down at her faithful Olivetti to write this tome. Gunther and I have just returned from St. Olaf, MINN. after having attended the funeral of my dear Aunt Rose Adele Havidschidt. Just so that you’d know; St. Olaf was the patron saint of Norway. During his lifetime, Olaf Haraldsson was the King of Norway. He helped rid his country of invading throngs of Swedes and Danes. Deposed by a group of rebellious nobles, Olaf was exiled to Russia but returned to Norway only to be slain in battle at Stiklestad, Norway, on July 29, 1031. But I assure you St. Olaf is a lot calmer these days.
What a dear, dear lady she was. So unlike her sister (my mother….Bunny DeFord). In fact it was hard to believe they both came from the same womb. I remember as a little girl I’d often ask Grandmother why mother and Rose were so very, very different from each other. She never really answered but would just walk away from me mumbling something about long St. Olaf winters, Stravanski Vodka and the ‘Farshenflooken’ lumberjacks.
I had forgotten how simple things were in St. Olaf. The week of Aunt Rose’s service was Pretzel Week. How fun it was to watch all the monks from the monastery compete in the Annual St. Olaf Pretzel Marathon. It wasn’t that the race that was particularly interesting, it was the fact the Friars had to stop and eat Pretzels, drink two beers and dance the polka at each household that dangled Red underwear from the spinneret on their rooftops. Needless to say very few monks finished the race.
Mother finally arrived and joined Gunther and myself at the airport in St. Gustav. She had just flown in from Mexico City. Of course she wasn’t alone. She brought a handsome Latino named Santiago with her. I asked her why he had come, and Bunny said she needed him to comfort her in her time of despair. I told her that’s what family was for, but she said Santiago could make better Martini’s than me and besides there were other things. I didn’t ask.
The day of Aunt Rose’s service couldn’t have been more delightful. Here it was August 23rd, the air was a crisp -12 degrees. The family gathered at St. Olaf’s Lutherterian Baptispalian Charismatic Church. I was so pleased and surprised that the edifice was overflowing with those who had come to remember Aunt Rose. As I gazed across the congregants I knew that this magnificent lady must have touched some of their lives (and appendages.) You see, Aunt Rose assisted Dr. Tinskfa with yearly physicals of the football team. The mighty pipe organ began playing as the family was ushered in and seated at the front of the splendid little church. It was a truly wonderful service that was heralding the essence of Aunt Rose and her life. Bunny was clinging to Santiago appearing to all in the congregation she was indeed grief stricken, when I knew in actuality she had already kicked back two Cosmo’s and six Apple-tini’s and couldn’t wait to get her hands on the Communion wine!
Father Quagmire rose to speak as he approached the pulpit. Carefully arranging his vestments he began the Obituary. “Rose Adele Havidschidt, was born on October 13, 1929. An adored sister and beloved _ _ _ _”; I think there must have been a typo on his notes, because I know the next word ended with *UNT and was supposed to have been “AUNT”, but I know what the Father said; and I know what my ears heard; and believe me, it wasn’t-- "Aunt” Dear Rose would have laughed. After all …..with a last name like Havidschidt

Epicurian Musings With Myrna

Hello dear readers, it’s Myrna, back again to share some of her pontifical wisdom with each and all!
As I sat down to write this timely tome, I felt it my duty to share some of the insights that had come my way since last we chatted! And to let you know that one can digest fifteen bottles of Pepto-Bismol if need be!! My husband Gunther was such a darling throughout the entire episode! Not once did he complain about the noises (that was very reminiscent of Linda Blair in the “Exorcist”), that emitted from the depths of my bowels during one particularly startling episode! Such a dear, dear man! Never let it be said that Myrna is one to hold back!! Speaking of which, how did such a thing occur, you ask? Well, my darlings, read on!
As you know, Myrna is never one to avoid danger. So, I set out to experience some of the epicurean delights that await each and every one of you, should you so choose to indulge, here in our little hamlet. As I was motoring about our city the other day, during the luncheon rush hour, my best friend Hermione, with whom I’ve come to experience so many diversities, convinced me we should stop in at a local “steakhouse”. Oh, you know the one. Sounds like they were going to name it something else, but didn’t have enough space on the marquee to put the entire name, so they just put random letters together and called it a name. Anyway, against my innermost better judgment I let Hermione convince me that it would be such an “adventure” to see exactly just what was the allure to the establishment. After all the entire parking lot was filled with cars (actually, mostly white pick-up trucks). So, in we went. I should have listened to the advice that my mother, Bunny DeForde, gave me years ago, when she said; “Never believe what they tell you about stopping where truck drivers eat. It can only lead to years of therapy and marriages gone sour”, but I digress.
Once inside, it took my eyes a moment to adjust. Oh, no dear ones, it wasn’t from the fact that we had just entered from an intensely lighted noontide to enter what seemed to be a darkened grotto, but by the “interesting” décor that greeted us. I especially liked the “backlit” sign that said we could “seat ourselves.” How gracious I thought. And so we proceeded. It was then I noticed what must have been the central adornment of “worship” in the eatery. There, moving about in a zombie like procession, as if transfixed in a hypnotic trance, were the “worshipers” of this idol. A mammoth monolith, that occupied the center of the restaurant like a Bhudda. The SALAD BAR! With their platters raised high, each of the crowd moved about the offerings, with eyes blazing. Hermione and I quickly found an empty table and started to sit down. It was then the adventure really got interesting. Let Myrna, state right here and now, that she is a firm believer that there is never, never any reason to think less of a person because they are in the service industry. That being said, our “waitperson” was soon with us.
It was soon apparent that our “waitperson” neither wanted to be with us, or with anyone else in the establishment, for that matter. Dour hardly seems sufficient. Quinine would have been sweeter! I don’t know, but I think there is something inherently wrong with you being asked what you would like to drink before you’ve had a chance to seat one’s self and perchance glance at a menu. “A white wine”, I heard myself say. I presume that was not the correct response because, as I was soon to learn, they “ain’t got no wines”, only sodas, teas, and water. Hermione smiled weakly. We ordered water. “With lemon,” I heard Hermione say faintly as our “waitperson” disappeared into the vastness of humanity.
We then started to peruse our menus. If it’s one thing Myrna enjoys, it is the “fun” names eateries give to their dishes. I was especially intrigued by the one called “The BIG One”, but I thought better of it. In what was a matter of moments, well actually twenty of them, our “waitperson” arrived back at our table , water in tow. And by “in tow” I mean, if she had put more of her body parts into our glasses, it would have been considered a Baptism! I graciously let Hermione order first. Once again, I must have transgressed, because I asked our “waitperson”, just what they would recommend. Obviously NOT the right question I soon learned, as the tapping of the pencil on the order pad grew intently louder. “Bring me what your favorite thing is to eat.” I said. “Sure, honey.” The acerbic, bleached blonde smirked, as she turned on her heels and sauntered away.
Hemione and I took note of the other patrons. No wonder our state is known for its heart attack quotient. An endless supply of cholesterol couldn’t have entered the bodies of the fellow diners any faster had they been hooked to an IV drip! I did wonder how much “ketchup” and “gravy” the human body could consume before it eventually took on the form of a living French fry.
After three refills of water, (when did Ice become such a big deal?) our “food” finally arrived. An alien concoction of various ingredients that looked as if it were the last meal to come off the assembly line, just before the cook decided to kill himself. “I wonder if we should say grace?” I asked. “Myrna I didn’t know you were that religious?”,Hermione asked. ”I’m not. It’s just that this might be the last time we see each other alive.”, I replied. Hermione laughed nervously. It was then the assault on my palate began. Gentle readers, believe me when I tell you that what took place over the next thirty minutes shouldn’t happen to the prisoners at Guantanemo.
It was then our “waitperson” appeared with our “guest check”. One shouldn’t have to pay for such as this, I thought to myself. And to add insult to injury there were no prices on the paper.
“Oh, dear .... you’ve seemed to have left off the prices.”
“They’ll put ‘em on at the register. Have a nice day!!” But before she had a chance to disappear I had one final question. “Exactly what was this, this, maligned portion I had today?” “Just what you ordered.” she said, sneering at me.” “Really? And just what would that be?” I asked sincerely. “It’s ‘The BIG One’” she laughed as she turned away, cackling!
I should have known!